Bliss is....

Crossing the state line to home.

Washington already seems a million miles away. Not in a bad way - it was a wonderful chapter of my life story. I left it exactly the way I wanted, and I feel like it was wrapped up and tied with a bow (and, one of John’s set of Godparents lives there, so well still have our connection!).

But - the closer I got to Georgia, the more relaxed I felt. I suppose its probably this way for everyone who returns back to what is familiar to them. Its like getting back into your favorite worn in jeans. There comes that second when you breathe a little easier and you just know .... youre back where you belong. I guess I didnt realize I felt out of place for so long.

So, after a lot of trip time with the husband - seeing snow, mountains, lots of cows, family time, another baby shower,  tornados and many friends along the way! - Im off today for some time with my bestest (and one of John’s Godparents ... yes he has two sets.) to meet my sons future BFF Devin. Excellence is having a baby just 6 months apart from your best friend, and them both being the same sex.

And of course there is this guy:

Hes got his Daddys nose, his big brother’s protection and a third of his mommas heart. Life is good.

Day #19: A picture of what you did today; Day #20: A picture of you and a celebrity; Day 21: A picture you had no idea was being taken; Day #22: A picture of you and a sibling.

Day #19: A picture of what you did today.

 (I designed our work Christmas Card on Thursday. Im pretty sure it's a raging success in the truancy circles)

Day #20: A picture of you and a celebrity.

(Jess and I waited in line for hours to meet Jen Lancaster, who is -hands down- my favorite author. And I love books so much that my favorite writer is way better than any actor!)

Day #21: A picture you had no idea was being taken.

(Dana and Donald's rehersal dinner, right after my pretty damn good if I do say so myself speech. It was a fantastic night!)

Day #22: A picture of you and a sibling.

(My brother Andrew, my mom and I. Can you believe we are all related?)

(This is my sister Andrea and I when we were young. We havent seen each other for a very long time ... I also have a brother Gerald and a sister Mia that I dont have any pictures with. Maybe one day.)

Day #17: A picture that always makes you sad

It makes me sad because I miss it so very much. 

People assume that because Im so loud and obnoxious about everything else that my silence is indicative of a lack of caring. But if you know me, you know that Im most quiet about the things that hurt down to my heart and soul. One of those things being decisions that I made when I was young and thought I had no choice leading to a big huge massive hole today.

Sometimes they call me a bad mother. Sometimes they say I have no heart. Sometimes they tell me that Ive screwed it all up. I dont know if they're right ... maybe they are.

But I know that no one could ever punish me as much as I've punished me, day in and day out. I try not to live with regrets ....  but I know I live with a huge hole in my soul. This isnt easy to talk about, and this is about as much as Ill get out in public. But I just wanted the people in my life to know that this, right here, is the Achilles heel. I might be loud, smartassed, I might act like I dont have a care in the world ... just know whats underneath. And try to be gentle about it. We all do what we have to do to survive, and sometimes when you are 18 or 21 or what have you, you dont realize that the choices you make will surely bite you in the ass when youre older, or at least leave you "doing the right thing" for someone you love more than life itself, even if it breaks your heart in the process. 

Day #6: A picture of you on your birthday.

Birthday 2009 - 26 years old  (but actually feel 21).

Spent the day with some of my favorite people in the great state of Michigan. I always miss MI this time of year. 

Also, this was my favorite birthday present of all time. It came in an email, and was the only way I saw my husband on my birthday. Sure puts this birthday in perspective. 

Day #5: A picture of you with a parent or two

A picture of me and my momma. Theres nothing really funny to report on this one. My mom taught me that its okay to be myself - even though that means some people may not like who I really am, at least they wont love me for someone Im not. She taught me to never judge people until I've "walked a moon in their moccasins" (I think that means that I dont need to be all up in their Kool-Aid if I dont know the flavor). She taught me that its never too late to have a fresh start, that family is something you can always count on, and that I should really stop smoking, swearing, and generally feeling like I could bulldoze my way through life (I have stopped the first ... still working on the other two ...).

Most important, my mother has never, ever, ever ... no matter how many times I may have deserved it, or how many times she may have felt it .... told me that I disappointed her.  Theres something to be said for a person who is successful (which I suppose is debatable in my case .....), or moreover a person who is confident, when they were never told that they couldnt do something. I owe that to her, and I appreciate her helping to shape me as the raging narcissist that I am. Love you mom!