Friday, May 18, 2012

Insanity - Day 1

First, a little mothers day update (which includes “why Im an asshole”).

So before bed on Mothers Day eve, I had convinced myself that no one did anything for me, so I went to bed pissed off in my head.

(Am I the only one who does this? Sometimes I like to get mad about things that havent happened yet.)

So when I woke up the next morning, I saw roses and chocolates on the table, my first thought was “how original” (listen, Im a bitch sometimes. I would never SAY that, but I thought it because I was in a shit mood, my kid doesnt sleep, and I had already decided that my day sucked). Of course I got over it really quickly, but theres honesty.

Daddy took the baby for me, and I cleaned a bit (welcome to motherhood bitches). Then I took a long bath and we took some pictures. Then they took me to eat and THEN - they took me to get measured for custom inserts for my running shoes. Which is a big effing deal because I was starting to fear shin splints and I couldnt figure out why (since I just spent over 100$ on quality shoes). Turns out I have the worlds flattest feet and I had to get the highest arch support I could get without going to a foot doctor to get special special ones. Thank you both children for the 70+ pounds I gained while gestating them. A very good day, Allen wins, I suck. Fathers Day is now an exceptional challenge, especially as we will be in Arizona for that particular holiday.

Which brings me to the next subject (the fat, not Arizona, which is a whole other stressor). Today I started Insanity. And it is, indeed, insane.

Obviously I havent been “thin” in awhile. While I avoided the freshman 15, I packed on the marriage 15, and then the office 20 (where you sit at a desk and everyone brings fucking birthday cake in). Added to that was the fact that I was sick with John for about 4 months (not as bad as some though, holy cow) and all I wanted was loaves of bread and jelly beans (congrats to my child for not being born as a cherry flavored Jelly Belly). Then with the move it was SO HOT that I never left my recliner. So that was about 60 pounds, after all was said and done (and the baby was out) that I needed to get off my ass (and my every where else).

Breastfeeding helps, of course, but no one tells you about the raging hunger that comes with nursing. If you think pregnancy hunger is bad, times that by about 56 and you have nursing hunger. Dont even bother trying to fight it at first - it consumes you. And while youre establishing your supply dieting can be super harmful to long term feeding. So I accepted my fat, for the short term.

Around Christmas John hit 3 months, and I greenlighted myself (with a little advice from my fabulous midwives) to start dieting. I hit WW breastfeeding plan and it really worked. Since my 2 week PP checkup I am down over 35 pounds and still going.

But, ADD as I am, I need more. Ive hit a plateau, and the only way to kick it back into gear is to switch it up.

So I put out an add on the sales site to buy P90x. And I thought thats what the girl gave me, but it turns out it was insanity. So then it gets interesting.

I wasnt really familiar with insanity, so I watched the infomercial. Basically its this insanely (no pun intended) and comically well chiseled dude who is pushing you beyond “anything your body can do”. And then everyone gets strong and has abs and thinks working out is the best thing ever. And maybe the program will kill you, but if it doesnt then youll be hot. But if it does, not their fault, youre weak. And then you get a tshirt.

I decided what the hell - might as well at least TRY right? Today I did day 1, which was the fit test.


Not really. You cant actually fail the test. But if lying on the floor in a pool of your own sweat gasping for air and water is right, then Id rather be wrong.

Shaun T assures me that next time I take the fit test I will not be crying. I guess well see in a few weeks.

Also, Shaun T reminds me of the “hey girl” ads. Hes all like “hey girl, I know its hard. But I believe in you. Dig deeper, youll be thin, and then you can wear your free tshirt to the gym”.

ALSO, here are some mothers day pictures I took of the boys. Please disregard the 4th grade text edits - I can work a camera but not an editing software. 

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