Monday, February 28, 2011

Pain in the ass

There is something that is causing my entire left side, from my upper asshole to my upper neck, to hurt like crazy.

Upon Google diagnosing, I have narrowed it down to : The way the uterus is laying, pinched nerve, slipped disc, ulcers in my bladder (strange), renal colic (where your asshole cries like a baby) or possibly twins.

Helpful. Right now Id give anything for a muscle relaxer and a gin. Our next child will be adopted.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Holy shit - were grown ups!

So I guess were buying a house.

The whole process was so much back and forth it began to feel like a game ... but we won the game, and our prize is a 30 year mortgage. Yay us?

The builder settled on 129 with all closing costs included, a 2-10 warranty and matching appliances added before move in.

So now we start paperwork roulette, where we give the same person the same piece of paper 146 times before they recognize that they have it. Or, maybe thats just the army.

So, starting off the morning with fresh blueberry muffins, Beyond Scared Straight, and a lot of talk of things to come .... its all very exciting, but why does buying a home feel so much more grownup than having a baby?

Also .... is anyone else creeped out by my 3D baby widget on the side? I want him to do something besides float there in a lazy manner. Do jazz hands baby!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Bid day!

Buying a house in this economy is sort of like playing that game that used to be on American Gladiators. You know ... the one with the big sticks with pillows on the end? Jousting perhaps? I think it was some fucked up form of jousting though, so it didnt count as much.

*Side note - didnt they try to revamp American Gladiators not that long ago? And have Hulk Hogan as a host? Random .... but I think its true.

Anyhow, today is Bid Day! (emphasis on the exclamation mark!!!!) where we find out if the builder will take our low ball bid.

- Hes asking 134, we bid 125. In our defense there are 25 houses in that subdivision. Want to guess how many houses are lived in? NOT ONE. The builder tried to say its because they were all "too new" (which, they were only built last year) but c'mon buddy, if you have NOT ONE person in there, Id take what I can get.

-But then our realtor says, well, he may not want to set the bar low because then others can check the tax records and know what a house sold for.

-Then ALLEN says that hell only bid 122 because hes going to counter offer about 455 times. And really, who has time for that?

-I dont even think Allen really wants the house, I think he just likes to try to get things for cheap (hence, his penchant for dumpster diving).

-USAA tells us not to show the builder how much we are approved for. The realtor tells us that if we dont show the builder the pre approval letter then he wont accept the bid on just our word that we have the money.

- Allen wants to give the builder a dollar.

-I fax 234534 sheets of paper on our 1987 fax machine to our realtor, who then says but where is the copy of the check (that no one ever told me about)? And then she seemed surprised when I said that we actually dont have checks because no one even takes checks anymore, and the only person I know who still writes and/or has checks is my grandma (Bless her heart).

- Allen wants the builder to pay for his next three vacations because hes buying a house, when really we are low balling so much I fear the builder may just laugh in our face

- Im now officially out of the process, because I can do paperwork, but I cant negotiate. This is also why Im terrible at sales. The builder will come back with "you can have the house, but I want ten grand more than my asking price, and you pay all closing costs, final offer" and Im all like ..... sure sir! Can I throw in a gift card for Outback for all your hard work in building this fine home???? Thats why I have to sit out the next few rounds.

So now we just sit back and wait to see if Barbies Dream Home (if Barbie were married to the army and were willing to negotiate an un-sodded yard for a lower selling price that is ....) becomes ours.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

PCSing, House Buying, New Life .... oh my!

I must admit Ive been quite Fort Stewart obsessed this weekend.

This comes after I actually had the ability to : Join Kristi and Dave for dinner, go shopping with Tiffy, head to Emma's soccer game/ice cream with Tanya and Tiff, and hang out with Yeci and Cait (while Allen got drunk off, like, 2 beers. Hes a manly man). Sounds like a normal weekend, yes, but after the last five weeks of death and hell, a "normal" weekend was pretty fan-freaking-tastic. Also, spending it with so many of the people Ive come to call family made me realize that were going to a place and starting all over again.

Thankfully we know more people at Stewart than we did at Lewis. In addition, between McDonough being close enough, Devon being there for the summer, and cooking this little pinecone to "well done", I likely wont be worried about a shopping buddy - but I reserve the right to miss my Fort Lewis ladies every once and again!

Its strange to think that in just a few months well be living in our home, getting ready for our baby, with our family close by (my mom will only be two hours away!). I dont know that well LOVE Stewart, but we sure will love doing all of this with family by our side. 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Operation Baby Shower

Im not pinpointing this to anyone, so please if youve thought this in your head, dont take offense (because I have really had someone get upset once when they swore a blog was about them but it REALLY wasnt ... and I almost felt bad because I really didnt know that person even read my blog LET alone would take the "stupid" things I talked about - referring to things that I did that were dumb and why do girls do that ? - and make it about them. 
But then I realized I didnt care, so that helped, plus made me deserving of the "fat bitch" name calling .... but I digress ....) 

This is the email I recieved today:
Hello Anne cone,
My name is Ken Swarner and I am the publisher of The Ranger & NW Airlifter newspapers. I wanted to send you a note today to apologize for yesterday's lines, and to offer my apologies to those upset with the event. We have received a dozen or so complaints. I want you to know that I take every one of them to heart.
We were too focused on preventing fraud that we lost touch with the hundreds of well-meaning and honest attendees. I am so sorry you had to wait as long as you did to get in, and that we failed to anticipate the wait and thus did not have seating outside or food vendors.
I also received feedback that there were not enough gifts as advertised. We publicized that there would be a lot of gifts. That was not hyperbole, we really thought we hit that mark. Here is the list of what was given to all attendees:
Denny's: Coupons for a free kids meal, and free kids cups,
Linquist Dental: Coupon for a free "first baby's" dental check-up;
Kiddie Kandids: A photo album, plus prize wheel spins for portrait discounts,
AUSA: Baby clothes, baby products, and kids' toys;
Harborstone Credit Union: Baby spoons and spit-up rags;
Farmer's Insurance: Free digital baby IDs;
Spa Vita Bella: Free waxing,
Dupont Children's Dental, Toothbrushes,
Yelm Vision Clinic: Free "first baby" eye exam for everyone,
Studio 128: Free first dance class,
America's Credit Union: Bibs;
Costco: Free snacks and face wipes;
Farellis Pizza: Onesies,
Little Gym: Free introductory visit;
Mary K: Free satin hands treatment;
The Ranger/NW Airlifter: Formula, children's vitamins, Boogie Wipes, 80-ct Care Bear wipes, mobiles;
The Ram: Free appetizer coupons;
Little Winners: Goodie bags;
Indigo Portraits: $100 gift cards for everyone (no strings attached - no additional purchase);
Anytime Fitness: Prize wheel for baby products (everyone a winner);
Sterling Savings: Baby clothes;
Psychics: Five psychics giving personal consultations ($50 value);
Massage Therapist: 5-min seated massages.
Honestly, we thought we hit a home run with those, but apparently, we did not, and for that, PLEASE except my apologies. We wanted to honor you, and we didn't.
In addition, we advertised raffles, which some attendees thought were ruses by the vendors. I can't look into their souls and see their intentions, but we asked them to come and at the least offer up prizes to win as a show of support to you. I am so sorry that didn't come off that way. We had 26 vendors offer one or more raffle prizes.
Finally we had some vendors who only felt they could afford to give coupons, such as the Hands On Children's Museum in Olympia who handed out 2 for 1 to visit their museum.
We have learned a lot with this event. It was double the attendance of our "successful" Valentines Day party in 2010. BUT, despite this event's problems, I pledge to you, my commitment is to get better at supporting you, and we will continue to develop support events that help you in your daily lives. We will get better at line management and sign-ins, we will fundraise better, and we will exceed your expectations. I encourage you to stay tuned to our promotion page on our website for announcements - in fact, right now we have two contests each offering a night's stay for four at the Great Wolf Lodge. You can find our promotion's page here:
We were deeply disappointed that the Huggies Corporation, after promising us coupons for a free box of diapers to hand out to all attendees yesterday, failed to deliver on that promise despite a two-monoth lead time. IF, those coupons do arrive, we will make arrangements, somehow, someway, to get them to as many of you that we can.
In addition, we have added all of you to the list to receive the new, FREE email copy of JBLM Spouses magazine debuting this week. We hope it connects you with your JBLM and greater South Sound communities. It was developed with the help of a "military spouses'" council, and we are excited to get your feedback. If you don't want to receive the magazine in the future, just hit the unsubscribe at the bottom of the email when you receive the magazine.
In closing, I want to thank those who gave their negative feedback. It is the only way we can get better at what we do. The personal attacks were born out of frustration I am sure, and believe me, we harbor no ill-feelings. Keep telling us what you really think, and we will continue to get better at supporting you and your family. You may email me direct at at any time.
Again, please accept my apologies. God's blessings to you all.
Ken Swarner

 Im just so sad that there are wives out there who wrote to complain and be negative about the baby shower that was thrown. Dont get me wrong, the event wasnt handled the greatest and I can absolutely see giving feedback to the event holder. But to write to these people (who dont HAVE to do this by the way) and complain that "you didnt get enough gifts for YOUR time"? Im sorry, was this a job that you clocked in for? Were you drafted to go somewhere that you werent free to get into your car and leave if you chose? Because I must have missed that part.

Its a shame that some people have to take something that was meant to be positive and (for lack of a better word) shit all over it. Its sad that these people spent their time and energy planning something like this, only to have everyone say "Well, you tried but its not GOOD enough, we deserve MORE". And what, exactly, do you deserve more for? Having a baby - by choice mind you? Being a military wife - ALSO by choice?

These people did things out of the goodness of their hearts. Did we all walk away with a new car and a carseat to match? No, we didnt. Was the line INSANE, and could they learn from that at their next event? Of course! Is there anything wrong with saying that? No way! But to write and complain as if they owe us something? Horrible, horrible, horrible - and if thats me being opinionated, then so be it. I cannot believe that anyone would write PERSONAL ATTACKS on people who did something so wonderful. Shame, shame, shame on you ungrateful people. Thats the worst case of humanity I have seen in a long time.

Dear Ken,

I am disappointed and disheartened that a few of my fellow military wives have given us a bad name by daring to complain about something that was done for us all in good spirit and good heart.

Not every problem is foreseeable, and I do agree that the line was long - it was probably difficult for some pregnant women to stand for that long. I disagree, however, about it being "unfair". No one held these women in line, and no one made them stand for any amount of time. This event wasn't a draft, it was a choice, and we were all free to leave as we saw fit.

I can only assume I speak for many of my fellow grateful wives who appreciate the recognition of US that went into this event. Our husbands give so much to this country, and you folks have now recognized the "silent ranks" TWICE, with two amazing events. I was also present at last year's operation love - my husband was deployed and it gave me somewhere to go to get away from the loneliness, and to feel appreciated on that day.

And then operation baby shower, where you gave me somewhere to join with other wives in celebrating our post-deployment gift! Events like this are put on not because you HAVE to, or because you feel sorry for us, but because you want to celebrate the "force behind the force" ... and I cant tell you how thankful I am to every one of you that put in time and energy to make the day special for us all.

I have seen a small percentage of my fellow wives feel that they were "entitled" to something that day - I'm not sure what they expected to be handed, but I can hope that those who are vocal in their negativity will not overshadow those of us who are truly grateful for the hard work that went into this project.

I hope that these events will continue. There is a difference between constructive feedback (there are always things to learn), and feeling as if you are "owed something" for your time. The latter is an awful way to go through life, and I want to state one last time that there are many of us that were pleased to have such an event thrown in our honor.

Thank you again,

Anne Cone

Apparently ...

Now is the time where my placenta is starting to go into "upper management", which is why I dont feel like I could fuck someones shit up if only I wasnt so tired and wanted to throw up every 2.5 seconds.

All I can say is that placenta, you get a big fat gold star! Because I may actually start to feel human .... and that means that I can start combing through the house and determining what is Georgia-bound and what isnt ..... I mean, no big deal, we only leave here in two months.

Speaking of, fingers crossed that they can determine baby pinecone's hamburger or hotdog status before we leave ..... Ill around 17 -18 weeks then, so it seems like they should be able to, as long as this little thing is in full cooperation .....

Regardless, besides the worry that the non-sickness causes me (Because I still dont know exactly what is happening in there!), I am a HUGE fan of the placenta. Id like to send it pink puffy heart letters in class and as it if it likes me too.

Laugh if you must, but anything that takes me out of the God awful first trimester and leads me to the promised land of the second is worthy of a  lot of praise.

(Not of eating though. I read about that, and its gross. Do it if you want, but dont invite me for dinner)

Friday, February 11, 2011

How things change ...

2 months ago I would have thought a Friday night on the couch was hella lame, and I would assume there was something fantastic that I was missing out on.

Fast forward to tonight, when the couch, some puppies, and a husband who makes cherry Icee runs is pretty much equivalent to being backstage at a Bret Michaels concert. I never thought Id be one of those pj and a movie people, but now that I am, I see that it kicks serious ass.

Apparently everyone knew this but me!

Also - What would happen if Nancy Grace and Bill O Rielly had a baby?!

Oh yes, and I suppose I should mention that its two months until the cross country PCS ..... although Ill miss Fort Lewis, Im ready to move on, and anxious for all the things to come!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Heartbeats and Lima Beans

Ive been meaning to write an entry on this for awhile, but the days just get away from me lately. If Im not in bed by 930 then its misery city for the rest of the night. Couple that with getting off work at 5 at night, that leaves me four hours to eat, clean up, do laundry, get showered, and fall into bed.


We finally saw the baby/heard the heartbeat. And although I have no desire to be one of those moms who waxes poetic about the circle of life and how the sun shines out my pregnant ass, it was still one of the coolest moments of my life.

We were both nervous leading up to the day. I blame the internet for my complete inability to believe that this pregnancy is viable or wont eventually meet a worst case scenario horror story .... because everyone seems to have a horror story. Its to the point that you start to wonder how anyone has ever carried a viable pregnancy without playing "ninja warrior" to save their unborn child from the world (and that is not a joke, because being in a position to have this pregnancy pulled out from under me, I cannot imagine the complete devastation that comes with a loss. My heart goes out to anyone that has).

So the advice comes in droves "Don't get attached until the 3rd (or 5th or 9th ...) month, don't tell anyone until you have the baby, don't say anything until the kid is 5 and you know nothing bad is going to happen, or until he hits 21 and hasn't met some sort of accident and/or not been a disappointment to you".

I understand why people say what they do. For most people, they dont share their private lives with no real filter or ability to keep things "to themselves". So it reasons that they wouldnt want to tell everyone something so amazing, only to have to take it back with horrible news.

I, of course, have a huge mouth, and can only mostly keep secrets if they arent my own. So we told everyone that would listen within 24 hours of our positive test .... and then I was afraid that I had somehow jinxed the entire thing. I didnt follow the "secret code" of waiting until the end of the first trimester .... and I wasnt sure if that meant that I had somehow brought a certain future of bad news upon us.

So, as I was saying, heading into the doctor was part exciting, part sheer terror. I had no idea what wed see on that picture, but I was praying for the best.

I love my doctors office because it has two displays on the sonogram - One for the doctor, and one by mom's head. So dad puts his head next to moms, and they can see the baby together. I assume its always amazing, and this time wasnt any different.

Seeing that little lima bean on screen was quite a relief. I was assured that everything looked normal, and the baby was the correct size and in the right place (have I mentioned how the doctors/nurses seem confused as to why I question this pregnancy so much?). And then they turned on the heartbeat machine ....

I looked at Allen as his eyes got THIS BIG. He asked "is that the .... heart?". The doctor pointed to the screen where you could see a pulsing image right in the middle of the lima bean ..... it was, indeed, the heart, beating at a steady 152 bpm. I am also assured that this is normal and healthy for this far along.

So with tears in our eyes, we crossed over into a cheesy movie scene as we marveled at this heart that we (and God) created. I know we arent the first people on earth ever to make one of these, and God knows that it was a surprise - but we are navigating these waters together for the first time ... so it I guess were taking every part of the amazing feeling as it comes.

Because, dont get it twisted, eventually its going to be a lot of poop, a lot of screaming, and a lot of sleepless nights. And then theres what the baby will be doing ......

As we walked out of the room, Allen says to the doctor: " You know, Ive seen a lot of cool things in my life. But that, by far, blows them all away".

So this little pinecone is the reason for all the tired days, the headaches, the backaches, the immense boob growth, and the inability to eat anything but crackers, orange soda, milk and spaghetti (strange combo ....). Whats funny is that, even with all the bad, Ill take it times a million if this little thing just grows the way it should. 

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Things that have made me sick today

PS - All I ever write about is being pregnant. I realize that. You know why? Because this little thing the size of a PIN HEAD is a parasite and takes over your mind and body.

Case in point. Id like to list the things that made me sick today.

For those of you (bitches) that have never experienced the miracle of housing life inside your body, I would imagine that hangover you get when you go out one night and drink all kinds of different alcohol and you mix it with sugary shit and you wake up the next day and everything in your body hurts and if someone says the word "gin" you have to swallow down everything that is threatening to come back up.

That kind of sick.

7 am - Wake up. Sick because I dont have anything in stomach.

7:30 am - Strawberry Jam makes me sick. Eat it anyways.

8 am - Taste of gummy prenatal vitamins make me sick.

10 am - Eat cheese. Feel sick.

1 pm - Take out sandwich. It looks a little soggy. Throw it away because it makes me sick.

3 pm - Go for coffee with co-worker. Get hot chocolate in an attempt to not mutate my baby with caffeine. Have too much sugar in hot chocolate, get sick.

4 pm - Baby wants fried chicken. Badly. Cannot think of anything else.

5 pm - Attempt to eat fried chicken. Get physically ill. Have to lay down and sleep as am so ill.

7 pm - Wake up and scream at Allen because the TV is a fraction louder than I deem acceptable.

8 pm - Wake up and apologize to Allen. Have cranberry sprite. Feel better then immediately feel sick.

8:20 pm - Crave some sort of concoction that is half water and half ice cream. Cant determine which of the two baby is preferring, sit on couch and feel sick.

I am less worried now about how the little leech is developing. I figure anything that is making me this sick must at least still be in there and thriving. We found out Thursday!