Buying a house in this economy is sort of like playing that game that used to be on American Gladiators. You know ... the one with the big sticks with pillows on the end? Jousting perhaps? I think it was some fucked up form of jousting though, so it didnt count as much.
*Side note - didnt they try to revamp American Gladiators not that long ago? And have Hulk Hogan as a host? Random .... but I think its true.
Anyhow, today is Bid Day! (emphasis on the exclamation mark!!!!) where we find out if the builder will take our low ball bid.
- Hes asking 134, we bid 125. In our defense there are 25 houses in that subdivision. Want to guess how many houses are lived in? NOT ONE. The builder tried to say its because they were all "too new" (which, they were only built last year) but c'mon buddy, if you have NOT ONE person in there, Id take what I can get.
-But then our realtor says, well, he may not want to set the bar low because then others can check the tax records and know what a house sold for.
-Then ALLEN says that hell only bid 122 because hes going to counter offer about 455 times. And really, who has time for that?
-I dont even think Allen really wants the house, I think he just likes to try to get things for cheap (hence, his penchant for dumpster diving).
-USAA tells us not to show the builder how much we are approved for. The realtor tells us that if we dont show the builder the pre approval letter then he wont accept the bid on just our word that we have the money.
- Allen wants to give the builder a dollar.
-I fax 234534 sheets of paper on our 1987 fax machine to our realtor, who then says but where is the copy of the check (that no one ever told me about)? And then she seemed surprised when I said that we actually dont have checks because no one even takes checks anymore, and the only person I know who still writes and/or has checks is my grandma (Bless her heart).
- Allen wants the builder to pay for his next three vacations because hes buying a house, when really we are low balling so much I fear the builder may just laugh in our face
- Im now officially out of the process, because I can do paperwork, but I cant negotiate. This is also why Im terrible at sales. The builder will come back with "you can have the house, but I want ten grand more than my asking price, and you pay all closing costs, final offer" and Im all like ..... sure sir! Can I throw in a gift card for Outback for all your hard work in building this fine home???? Thats why I have to sit out the next few rounds.
So now we just sit back and wait to see if Barbies Dream Home (if Barbie were married to the army and were willing to negotiate an un-sodded yard for a lower selling price that is ....) becomes ours.