Sunday, February 12, 2012

Am I ever going to post again?

I seem to make my way here once a month. Im working on updating my Photo A Day Blog pretty religiously, so this one takes a back seat. Not to mention that a now very active 4 month old and a VERY active 13 year old make for one tired momma. Its like 2 kids 1 mom and the outcome is me passing out in the shower sometime around midnight.

Remember when I bitched and moaned and cried about how I was bored and I just wanted the baby to come so I had something to do? And then I got a bonus kid (aka the big one came to live with us) so I went from no kids here to 2. And then I lost a husband .... well thats a POOR fucking choice of words. What I meant was my husband had other things to attend to. So now Im getting tag teamed every night and not in a good way.

The big one got his first girlfriend the other day. He came home and told me he had a girlfriend, to which I replied “so now what are you going to do?”. He thought about it for a minute and then said “be really nice to her and give her everything she wants ... as long as its not too ridiculous”.  I was actually speechless at this because it was such a great answer - hes obviously been paying some attention.

Today we went and picked out her Valentines Day present. I told Devon that since he was a man now that he was going to buy something with his own money - after all, thats what men do (would you want to hear from your boyfriend that his mom paid for your gift? No, and Im not going to set that precedence). As soon as we got to the store you would have thought I told him to shop with no pants on. He got super shy and just looked at the floor in the valentine aisle. I kept pointing out things but he was like “I dont know, I dont know”. Finally I settled on a stuffed panda with a box of chocolates - it was small, cute, $10, and most importantly it didnt warrant some 7th grade girl breaking her morals because she felt like she owed him one. And if you dont know what I mean by that sentence I refuse to explain it because I have a mental block as to what it might mean. There have been many sex talks in this house, and in abstract its okay. In specific I will die.

As for the wee one, he is still a needy little dictator, but nothing compared to what weve been through. Hes a mommas boy to his core, which makes me wonder if he doesnt understand that something is different. I know he doesnt GET it, but maybe he gets that things arent quite the same. This is what worries me about Allen coming home for a two week rest soon ... were really just getting into a groove and then were going to start all over again. But, its worth it. It always is.

As for the very large one, hes out there. Somewhere. Doing something. But, because he cant call, or email or even write, I dont know what that is. These times are when love is like religion - you have to believe in something that you cant see, or hear. You just have to know in your heart that it exists. If the two separations werent on the heels of each other this one certainly wouldnt be that big of a deal, but I think because its back to back it makes things crazy. This whole thing has been crazy - but I guess its never boring.

As for me (the medium one?) Ive gotten a bit of breathing room since the very large one creates so much work (and this is proven because I have more time when hes gone). We joined the Y, and I even left John in daycare the other day. Of course they had to come and get me an hour into it but honestly - thats 55 more minutes than I gave him for his first time. We go back again on Tuesday so Im hoping hell last the entire time. Well see. Johns bedtime is regulating so I get a good few hours at night when both kids are quiet and I can read, or Facebook, or update the blog. Things are quiet, and boring, but now I appreciate that. After seeing so many people go through heartbreak with pregnancies and babies, I am grateful for two happy, healthy boys, even when they drive me insane. On that note, I am also grateful for wine.

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