Thursday, October 14, 2010

Work Lingo ... A Users Guide

Having been gainfully employed in a (real) job now for the better part of a year, I feel like ones attention must be drawn to the real meaning of popular office sayings.

Office talk is a lot like conversations amounst women.

Men dont understand what Im talking about right now, as evidenced by my husband saying EVERY TIME: "Well, that was a nice exchange", to which I reply "the hell it was. She called me fat and told me that she didnt ever want to hang out with me again". And HE says "I didnt hear that" and I say "You werent listening through GIRL ears".

So, Id like to present to you common office sayings, and the meaning behind them.

Thats such an interesting idea! = You really suck at this. Who did you sleep with to get hired?

I feel like I may need just a bit more time to finish the project to the highest standards. = I'm fucked up, and hoping it goes away soon.

This is a great start. With a few tweaks I think well be on the right track. = Youre fucked up, and I dont trust you to do shit.

I feel like the team may need to regroup and aline ourselves back on the same page. = Youre all fucked up and I hate working with every one of you.

Of course I dont mind putting this project to the side to assist you in what youre working with.= Nah, thats cool. I love doing my job AND your job. And FYI? This isnt an "emergency", just like it wasnt the last 50 fucking times you interrupted my day.

Were currently doing some re-arranging of personell. Someone got fired.

Im sorry, I cant seem to find the file youre requesting. We are doing some re-arranging of personell right now! Someone fucked up and got fired.

Im sorry, I cant seem to find the file youre requesting, but if you give me the information Id be happy to do that right away!I fucked up and I know it.

I wont be able to make it to the group outing/happy hour/function because I am just BURIED with work. Im so sad to be missing it!=There isnt enough money in the world to make me hang out with you assholes outside of work hours.

Those are just a very popular few.

Thought of the day:
There is always one person at work who is THISCLOSE to getting their ass whipped.

If you dont know who that is .... its probably you.

1 comment:

  1. My personal favorite:

    It's just not in the budget right now... means: "I would spend money there, but I just don't want to."