Friday, March 4, 2011

Why I hate XBOX

My husband was never a "gamer", so I felt justified as I smugly stated to anyone that would listen "MY husband doesnt play video games" (although I failed to mention that he would stare at the TV with a glazed over look for hours at a time. Im not sure if that was his "nothing box" or his shell shock at being married to me ....).

That all changed when I INSISTED we needed an XBOX. So we could get a Kinect. Which I then found out I was pregnant about THREE minutes after we spent the 400 bucks on, so it just sat there like a living room ornament. Until ...

Allen says one day ... "Oh, they have Call of Duty: Black Ops. I hear that its fun. I should get it. Then I play with XBOX".

And I think "Thats a CAPITAL idea. Then I can read/facebook/generally be in peace while you amuse yourself. Im on board!".

Fast forward to my home today, which has  constant stream of the SAME MUSIC THREAD every 15 seconds (I dream about this music). It also has my husband negotiating with terrorists (AKA 7 year olds hopped up on Mountain Dew and Wifi Connection) about the best battle strategies. Also, every once in awhile hell tell some kid to "turn his mic off because hes going to tell the people where they are doing stuff" (something like that). And I look at my once level headed husband and think ... what the fuck?

COD has 2 settings. One is a Russian dude who always says "We lost the lead" and "Spyplane incoming". These seem to be the only English phrases he knows ... oh, and "Care package inbound" (which ... what kind of care package? The ones I used to send with milk duds and dirty mags? Because that would be cool ....).  The other setting is Ice Cube. I dont know what he says because every time he comes on all I can think is "Hey, thats Ice Cube ....".

Of course, Allen is completely incommunicado while saving the world playing the game.  And if I DARE to have to do anything that crosses the living room (aka his line of sight) I get a BIG sigh followed by the head jerking the other way. Excuse me for existing during game play.

But never to fear. Eventually he loses and throws an Oscar worthy line of curses out while smashing his headset to the ground. It would be cute if he didnt also get so stomp-ey when he does it. More than once Ive had to threaten him with an XBOX time out, just like I do Devon when he gets too frustrated.

Little boys with no patience or attention span grow up to be big boys who never change :)

(Good thing despite all of this hes still a good man)


  1. i hated it too. i was a play station kid. so i seriously had zero ability to play this "thing". my husband is a constant gamer and after two years of him constantly playing, i decided to either learn to love it or to get my own tv. once i got the controller figured out... its been game on ever since. i will never play as much as B does but several times a month, i sign into my own xbox live, just so i can beat him at his own game in front of people bc he'd never admit it to anyone else. i got a few other wives hooked on playing it with there hubbys who never ever played games. i suggest the zombie & campaign modes to get the controller figured out. :)

  2. It was my only salvation when I was sick constantly which was all the time. I never felt bad because I could tell Dustin to leave me alone to die of sickness and he was content and I was....something. Alive, I guess? Haha.