Also:

Id like to remind myself that cake is not a food group. Maybe my jeans would fit if I wasnt always eating it.

I cant watch anymore Kardashians. They keep saying how “Kim could do better”. Im pretty sure she HAS done better and its on tape and you can watch it for 19.95.

I also cant watch commericals. I was JUST able to sleep normally since Paranormal Activity 1 and 2 were all over TV. Now guess what? Theres a number three and the commercial always comes on during the 1 am feeding when the remote is across the room. So I have to jump up, spray milk everywhere (youre welcome for the visual) and try to beat the demon lady to change the screen. Fuck you whoever made that commercial - Ill send you the bill for my Ambien.

My baby knows when I want to do something that doesnt involve him (like right now) and he screams accordingly. Smart.