Things I do that make me a fucking hypocrite

EDIT: I started this about a week ago and just never got to finish - mostly because Im busy being a mom/listening to screaming/loving a baby. Its pretty much the most amazing thing that tires you out and tests your patience ever. But anyhow - this still stands ....

Fact: All moms will find themselves doing shit they swore they would never do at least once.

Co-Sleeping: Listen. I bought every product on the market to prevent this kid from getting attached to the bed with us. I had an in bed co-sleeper, a bassinet, a crib, a swing ... you name it. I talked a HUGE game about how I was never going to sleep with him since he would never get out of our bed once he got it in.

This lasted 2 hours. And now not only does he co-sleep but he sleeps ON me. I know - its terrible for him .... at least thats what the statistics say. But its as much for me as for him. Because I have officially become “that mom”. The one I never thought I would be.

Being “that mom”: Oh yes. I totally am. My mom told Allen and I to just run out and have a quick dinner the other day. And my heart seized up to my throat. I always said that I would be totally cool with leaving him, and we were going to get baby sitters all the time, and I was going to be super zen about it. And now there is a unit ball in two months and I wont go because I wont leave my kid with anyone.

That makes me a hypocrite. And a lame ass. But thats what it is now.

Using pacifiers: Wasnt going to do that either. Now Im steady trying to jam one in this kids mouth at every turn. MOSTLY because he is a “comfort nurser” and my boobs are going to fall off. He doesnt have much interest in any paci (and Ive tried about 40 different ones) but I just want him to take one in the middle of the night when I cant put him down because hell scream like Im killing him unless he has the boob in his mouth.

True Story.

Being a tit nazi: I had to steal that from my friend Krista’s blog ... I actually dont think I fit that exact mold ... I certainly dont care how anyone feeds their child AND I think people who have an opinion about the way other people feed their babies are assholes who need a hobby.

Im almost embarrassed about how easy breastfeeding has come to us. I see so many people on my birth month board (the “Facebump” as we call it) who have such a struggle with breast feeding that I feel terrible for them. Formula is not only fine if thats what you choose, but its also there for a reason.

THAT said my shameful confession is that I adore breastfeeding.

Yes, its a leash that you cannot unclip. No one else can feed him. My diet has to change almost daily. I get no sleep. My boobs hurt like you wouldnt believe. I never know what I have covering me at a given moment (milk? pee? drool? Who can tell?). And nursing in public (ALWAYS COVERED thank you) is a challenge.

Despite it all I do love it. And though I would never judge anyone for doing something different then I do, I would love to encourage people who want to try. I was sure that we were going to have extreme problems - I have a few bottles of formula in the pantry ... thats how sure I was that we were going to have to supplement or FF altogether. And I refused to feel bad about it if it came to that.

The first few days were hard. He had a good latch but I wasnt producing much colostrum. He cried - a lot. He also lost a LOT of his birth weight (from 9.1 to 8.4). But thanks to my awesome midwives who assured me that not only was it okay but it was normal. I charted his wet/dirty diapers and they were always on point. His skin looked good (NO jaundice at ALL - which was amazing news after the scare we got with the RH sensitivity - suspected), and he was healthy. So even though I cried all the way home about failing him I kept with it. I put him on the boob every hour on the hour. I was exhausted and sure that I was going to have to break at any minute and stop trying.

But then by night 3 my milk came in. And he was happier - and slept better (besides when I needed to not eat so much dairy). And by my 1 week appointment he was back up to 8.14 and my midwives assured me he was getting what he needed. And I felt pretty accomplished.

I dont say this to make anyone feel bad. I know FF vs BF is a hot debate - and I know a lot of people who gave it their all and they couldnt BF. But its okay - those same people have the most beautiful and healthy children Ive ever seen. I only tell the story so that people who may want to try BF’ing know that there are success stories.

Making my kids picture my Facebook profile picture: I did it. Suck it.

Feeling like a fatty already: When youre pregnant and youre fat you can say “Im pregnant. So Im fat”. Then you drop the baby and must confront the fact that those extra cookies stuck around afterwards. I stay about 20 pounds above the “ideal” weight as it is (and I dont feel bad about it - stick thin works for some of you but Im mexican and Im always going to have big boobs and a little extra - no complaints from the husband so Im good with it) but Ive got a ways to go to get back to my pre-preg weight.

EDIT: Its taken me 2 weeks to do this blog post ... well almost. The last thing that makes me a hypocrite is that I swore I would never want another baby. But I already do.


There you go.