The good: Finally not sick anymore. Which makes me happy because I can go to Tiffy's with the girls and actually EAT the cake instead of having them take it away because it was making me sick (and that made me sad - true story).
The bad: In place of sickness, I now have heartburn that would make Hitler cry like a bitch. Im boiling down papaya enzymes and shooting them straight into my neck veins in order to find some relief.
Thats an overdramatic description, but this shit hurts. And Im shit at being pregnant. Im really tough in all areas of my life, but pregnancy and I are not BFF's.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Fetal Doppler = Control Freak's Dream
Obsessive overparenting starts early, and thats why I got a fetal doppler.
That, and if anyone is going to stage a total overthrow of the ruling body, its going to be my spawn.
That, and if anyone is going to stage a total overthrow of the ruling body, its going to be my spawn.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Birth Center
Have found a highly recommended and reputable birth center that is located in Savannah ....
That says they take TriCare.
I will be calling tomorrow and am PRAYING well be able to have little Pinecone in that setting!
*** Edit ****
I got to speak with one of the midwives the other day, and we did a quick health screen (you can only go to a birth center if you have a healthy, low risk pregnancy!). We have our midwife 1 on 1 appointment May 2nd, and our birthing center group tour on the 20th!
http://themidwifegroup.com/
That says they take TriCare.
I will be calling tomorrow and am PRAYING well be able to have little Pinecone in that setting!
*** Edit ****
I got to speak with one of the midwives the other day, and we did a quick health screen (you can only go to a birth center if you have a healthy, low risk pregnancy!). We have our midwife 1 on 1 appointment May 2nd, and our birthing center group tour on the 20th!
http://themidwifegroup.com/
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Things that have made this week WINNING!
- Realizing we have three weeks left here, and reconnecting with old friends. Not that Ive ever really lost touch with them, but the reality of actually being able to plan things again ... its pretty freaking nice. Well still be a bit away at Stewart (a few hours give or take, depending on how fast we go!) but the reality is .... we can do it. We can NOT miss everything important. We can bring our child around the people who know mommy and daddy from yesterday, today and tomorrow. And we can do it in the Georgia sunshine. So the Army (today at least) is winning.
-Speaking of ultimate wins, little John or Elisa (we arent hiding our names at all, I guess because they are family names so anyone can steal them, Im still using them - none of my cousins will birth before me, so Im winning at getting the name as well) has a best friend / boyfriend who is about 6 month older. His name is Devin Rien and he was born yesterday evening :) He is amazing, and my best friend sent a picture in which she looked like a supermodel .5 seconds after giving birth. Id hate her if I didnt love her so much. Bitch. (but baby is perfect, and possibly will be a baby model because he is SO cute). So Dana is winning at everything today.
- Starting our birth plan is winning as well. For those of you that dont know, we will be doing a natural birth. Im not sure if well do it at the hospital just yet, as I need to get settled with an OB in Georgia (nothing like switching mid-pregnancy!). If I feel that our OB can be trusted to carry out the birth plan we want in a hospital, then Ill be okay with it (the hospital in our town DOES have a birthing tub and midwives, praise God). If not, then well have to look at our options for a home birth. I know everyone thinks Im crazy, and I am a little, but I want things to be as natural and as healthy as possible. For me, that includes as little drugs/medical intervention as possible. I know labor hurts - but its a hurt for a purpose. My body is meant to do this, and I want to feel all the wonderful things that come after a job well done in labor. So Im winning at that, plus at being totally masochistic.
- Its sad to leave, in a way, but its wonderful to know that we did it. I feel like we really made it here (AKA we took Washington, made it our bitch, and are now moving on). It wasnt without its bumps in the road, but in the grand scheme of things its been such an overwhelmingly positive experience. Weve spent the last few weekends having goodbye dinners with some of our great friends that weve met through the years, and its good to know that you had people with such love for you ... even when you didnt know it. As well, I sent out my farewell letter at work to the folks Ive built the program with over the last year (the school districts, the GAL's , ect) and gotten such wonderful responses and thanks for all of our hard work and the working relationships weve built. Over and over they told me that we (Meg and I) took a program that was failing miserably and have implemented so many new things to turn it around. I also got emails from the head administrators of the court who recognized the work Ive put in. Granted, what I did wasnt hard - just required common sense and a L-O-T of patience, but its always nice to see that youve done a job well. And that people recognize that.
There are still more things to come - my work baby shower "But its a BABY .... shower ...." (named after a favorite quote from one of the funniest CASA's), my friend shower (which will gather together some of the greatest people Ive been privileged to meet over the last four years and put them all in one room ....) ... and then of course we head to Michigan, get our "gender scan" done there with family, and have my family baby shower. And THEN, we drive to Savannah, meeting babies Gracie, Caleb and Devin along the way! Its going to be pretty fantastic. And definitely winning.
-Speaking of ultimate wins, little John or Elisa (we arent hiding our names at all, I guess because they are family names so anyone can steal them, Im still using them - none of my cousins will birth before me, so Im winning at getting the name as well) has a best friend / boyfriend who is about 6 month older. His name is Devin Rien and he was born yesterday evening :) He is amazing, and my best friend sent a picture in which she looked like a supermodel .5 seconds after giving birth. Id hate her if I didnt love her so much. Bitch. (but baby is perfect, and possibly will be a baby model because he is SO cute). So Dana is winning at everything today.
- Starting our birth plan is winning as well. For those of you that dont know, we will be doing a natural birth. Im not sure if well do it at the hospital just yet, as I need to get settled with an OB in Georgia (nothing like switching mid-pregnancy!). If I feel that our OB can be trusted to carry out the birth plan we want in a hospital, then Ill be okay with it (the hospital in our town DOES have a birthing tub and midwives, praise God). If not, then well have to look at our options for a home birth. I know everyone thinks Im crazy, and I am a little, but I want things to be as natural and as healthy as possible. For me, that includes as little drugs/medical intervention as possible. I know labor hurts - but its a hurt for a purpose. My body is meant to do this, and I want to feel all the wonderful things that come after a job well done in labor. So Im winning at that, plus at being totally masochistic.
- Its sad to leave, in a way, but its wonderful to know that we did it. I feel like we really made it here (AKA we took Washington, made it our bitch, and are now moving on). It wasnt without its bumps in the road, but in the grand scheme of things its been such an overwhelmingly positive experience. Weve spent the last few weekends having goodbye dinners with some of our great friends that weve met through the years, and its good to know that you had people with such love for you ... even when you didnt know it. As well, I sent out my farewell letter at work to the folks Ive built the program with over the last year (the school districts, the GAL's , ect) and gotten such wonderful responses and thanks for all of our hard work and the working relationships weve built. Over and over they told me that we (Meg and I) took a program that was failing miserably and have implemented so many new things to turn it around. I also got emails from the head administrators of the court who recognized the work Ive put in. Granted, what I did wasnt hard - just required common sense and a L-O-T of patience, but its always nice to see that youve done a job well. And that people recognize that.
There are still more things to come - my work baby shower "But its a BABY .... shower ...." (named after a favorite quote from one of the funniest CASA's), my friend shower (which will gather together some of the greatest people Ive been privileged to meet over the last four years and put them all in one room ....) ... and then of course we head to Michigan, get our "gender scan" done there with family, and have my family baby shower. And THEN, we drive to Savannah, meeting babies Gracie, Caleb and Devin along the way! Its going to be pretty fantastic. And definitely winning.
(This post brought to you by Charlie Sheen)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Getting to be about that time ...
We are officially LESS than a month away from the official departure date!
A lot of people ask me if Im sad. The answer is no .... I have to concede that the sadness may hit me after the fact, when we are settled at Stewart and I have the time to think about it, so I havent ruled it out yet. However, I fully believe there are times that you have to know when your time has run its course, and when the next adventure is calling you.
There are so many lessons Ive learned here in the last four years. I certainly havent always been perfect, and I've had to adjust the way Ive spoken, thought and acted. Although I may have had further to go than others (Im not sure why that is ....), I think we can all admit that no one is perfect. I am thankful for the lessons Ive been provided coming to Fort Lewis on how to be a better person. Sometimes we have to craw before we can walk, and we're bound to make a few missteps along the way.
But, you move on. You become better, and hopefully you forgive and forget.
The forgiveness is something that I admit I struggle with. Its hard to forgive when you get hurt, as much as you want to "just move on". I believe that not only is it difficult to forgive when someone accuses you of something you didnt do, but its hard to forgive when a person is so insistent on believing the worst about you that they attack you in every spot theyd like to believe that you're weak.
Its not something worth discussing, but its an inner struggle. Although I must (because of things I was accused of) come across as someone with shifty alliances who doesnt value friendship, I can only point to those who know me to say that isnt true. And, although there are things that happen that leave a friendship far beyond repair, it still blows my mind that a person could turn to the absolute worst without remembering some of the good things.
I guess Ill never understand it. Nor should I really care. The past is the past, and no one can tell me who *I* am. If I know what I did do (and certainly what I didnt) then I know the truth will come out in the end. Also, I should be thankful that circumstances happen to let you know who is (and isnt) good for your life.
To that person: I forgive you, and Im forgetting now.
A lot of people ask me if Im sad. The answer is no .... I have to concede that the sadness may hit me after the fact, when we are settled at Stewart and I have the time to think about it, so I havent ruled it out yet. However, I fully believe there are times that you have to know when your time has run its course, and when the next adventure is calling you.
There are so many lessons Ive learned here in the last four years. I certainly havent always been perfect, and I've had to adjust the way Ive spoken, thought and acted. Although I may have had further to go than others (Im not sure why that is ....), I think we can all admit that no one is perfect. I am thankful for the lessons Ive been provided coming to Fort Lewis on how to be a better person. Sometimes we have to craw before we can walk, and we're bound to make a few missteps along the way.
But, you move on. You become better, and hopefully you forgive and forget.
The forgiveness is something that I admit I struggle with. Its hard to forgive when you get hurt, as much as you want to "just move on". I believe that not only is it difficult to forgive when someone accuses you of something you didnt do, but its hard to forgive when a person is so insistent on believing the worst about you that they attack you in every spot theyd like to believe that you're weak.
Its not something worth discussing, but its an inner struggle. Although I must (because of things I was accused of) come across as someone with shifty alliances who doesnt value friendship, I can only point to those who know me to say that isnt true. And, although there are things that happen that leave a friendship far beyond repair, it still blows my mind that a person could turn to the absolute worst without remembering some of the good things.
I guess Ill never understand it. Nor should I really care. The past is the past, and no one can tell me who *I* am. If I know what I did do (and certainly what I didnt) then I know the truth will come out in the end. Also, I should be thankful that circumstances happen to let you know who is (and isnt) good for your life.
To that person: I forgive you, and Im forgetting now.
Friday, March 11, 2011
My Biggest Fear
.... is losing myself.
It's hard enough in this military life to carve out your own identity from your husband.
I dont want to be Sgt. Cone's wife. I want to be Anne ... wife of Allen, mother of Devon and Pinecone, graduate, epic joke teller, bad ass blogger, loud mouth realist, ect......
I've never been content to follow in the shadows. That has contributed to the demise of enough relationships to know that it is sometimes "a problem" ... but its my problem and I stand by it.
My biggest challenge over the next 9 months will be staying "me" when I am portioning out more of myself than ever before ... while losing some of the things that I've long held onto to anchor my own identity (namely my career, which I have taken from 0 to 60 in the last year, and now will have to put the pause button on).
Im not saying its not worth it. I think there is something rewarding about knowing youve given your all to raise an amazing family. I dont think Ill regret one minute of it. BUT, in the tradition of honesty, Id be lying if I said there wasnt legitimate worry about who "I" will become after its all said and done.
It's hard enough in this military life to carve out your own identity from your husband.
I dont want to be Sgt. Cone's wife. I want to be Anne ... wife of Allen, mother of Devon and Pinecone, graduate, epic joke teller, bad ass blogger, loud mouth realist, ect......
I've never been content to follow in the shadows. That has contributed to the demise of enough relationships to know that it is sometimes "a problem" ... but its my problem and I stand by it.
My biggest challenge over the next 9 months will be staying "me" when I am portioning out more of myself than ever before ... while losing some of the things that I've long held onto to anchor my own identity (namely my career, which I have taken from 0 to 60 in the last year, and now will have to put the pause button on).
Im not saying its not worth it. I think there is something rewarding about knowing youve given your all to raise an amazing family. I dont think Ill regret one minute of it. BUT, in the tradition of honesty, Id be lying if I said there wasnt legitimate worry about who "I" will become after its all said and done.
“A Woman Should Have” – by Maya Angelou
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
..one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her of how far she has come...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
..one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her of how far she has come...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she’s content to leave behind….
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a feeling of control over her destiny.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself.
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Also ...
We saw little Mr. or Ms. Pinecone for our 12 week ultrasound (AND, we are measuring a few days ahead, which may have contributed to my feeling better at what I thought was 11 weeks. Not that I give a damn what week it was, Im just glad Im not heaving every 3.5 seconds). To me, it was sort of the "big" ultrasound because they say that once you pass your 12 week mark your chances of miscarriage go down dramatically.
I had mentally prepared myself for any number of things that could be wrong (although probably not a healthy way to think, I didnt want to not be prepared for anything that could happen). The doctor didnt look for the heartbeat first, he just went straight to the ultrasound (though the machine has a heartbeat measurement system so that may be why). As soon as he connected it to my stomach we saw two little legs moving around.
Although I know that Ive A) done this before (although back then things certainly werent as advanced as they are now) and B) googled "what to expect at your 12 week ultrasound" (apparently I learn NO lesson about Googling). I knew that it would look like a real baby in THEROY, but to see one on the screen MOVING was a totally different ball game.
Baby is apparently testing out his surroundings (or her, but I desperately hope for a boy, as I dont really understand girls) and keep moving from the doctor. But then it was as if s/he froze and said "wait .... one ... minute. Someone is watching ......"
So we ended up with a good picture of a pretty face (or handsome). At only 12 weeks, this is pretty frikkin perfect.
Now its 2 months until we find out what s/he is packing in there.
*** EDIT***
My doctor here wouldnt do my gender scan before we leave ..... and the new doctor was going to make us wait for a bit. All in all it would be 23-26 weeks before we got a chance to do it. In addition, Allen would be just starting a new unit .... I know that lots of dads cant be there for the big scan, but it seems like since hes here we should try to include him if we can ....
So after some research, I found a place right down the road from my mom's house that will do 4D gender scans for a reasonable price, AND they have a family viewing area that lets you invite others in to experience that with you. Although this moment is a private one, in our life with so much being done away from family, Im excited that my mom, grandma and brother (and some assorted others) will be able to share some of the experience with us!
Gender scan on April 23rd :)
I had mentally prepared myself for any number of things that could be wrong (although probably not a healthy way to think, I didnt want to not be prepared for anything that could happen). The doctor didnt look for the heartbeat first, he just went straight to the ultrasound (though the machine has a heartbeat measurement system so that may be why). As soon as he connected it to my stomach we saw two little legs moving around.
Although I know that Ive A) done this before (although back then things certainly werent as advanced as they are now) and B) googled "what to expect at your 12 week ultrasound" (apparently I learn NO lesson about Googling). I knew that it would look like a real baby in THEROY, but to see one on the screen MOVING was a totally different ball game.
Baby is apparently testing out his surroundings (or her, but I desperately hope for a boy, as I dont really understand girls) and keep moving from the doctor. But then it was as if s/he froze and said "wait .... one ... minute. Someone is watching ......"
So we ended up with a good picture of a pretty face (or handsome). At only 12 weeks, this is pretty frikkin perfect.
Now its 2 months until we find out what s/he is packing in there.
*** EDIT***
My doctor here wouldnt do my gender scan before we leave ..... and the new doctor was going to make us wait for a bit. All in all it would be 23-26 weeks before we got a chance to do it. In addition, Allen would be just starting a new unit .... I know that lots of dads cant be there for the big scan, but it seems like since hes here we should try to include him if we can ....
So after some research, I found a place right down the road from my mom's house that will do 4D gender scans for a reasonable price, AND they have a family viewing area that lets you invite others in to experience that with you. Although this moment is a private one, in our life with so much being done away from family, Im excited that my mom, grandma and brother (and some assorted others) will be able to share some of the experience with us!
Gender scan on April 23rd :)
Baby Pinecone!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Why I hate XBOX
My husband was never a "gamer", so I felt justified as I smugly stated to anyone that would listen "MY husband doesnt play video games" (although I failed to mention that he would stare at the TV with a glazed over look for hours at a time. Im not sure if that was his "nothing box" or his shell shock at being married to me ....).
That all changed when I INSISTED we needed an XBOX. So we could get a Kinect. Which I then found out I was pregnant about THREE minutes after we spent the 400 bucks on, so it just sat there like a living room ornament. Until ...
Allen says one day ... "Oh, they have Call of Duty: Black Ops. I hear that its fun. I should get it. Then I play with XBOX".
And I think "Thats a CAPITAL idea. Then I can read/facebook/generally be in peace while you amuse yourself. Im on board!".
Fast forward to my home today, which has constant stream of the SAME MUSIC THREAD every 15 seconds (I dream about this music). It also has my husband negotiating with terrorists (AKA 7 year olds hopped up on Mountain Dew and Wifi Connection) about the best battle strategies. Also, every once in awhile hell tell some kid to "turn his mic off because hes going to tell the people where they are doing stuff" (something like that). And I look at my once level headed husband and think ... what the fuck?
COD has 2 settings. One is a Russian dude who always says "We lost the lead" and "Spyplane incoming". These seem to be the only English phrases he knows ... oh, and "Care package inbound" (which ... what kind of care package? The ones I used to send with milk duds and dirty mags? Because that would be cool ....). The other setting is Ice Cube. I dont know what he says because every time he comes on all I can think is "Hey, thats Ice Cube ....".
Of course, Allen is completely incommunicado whilesaving the world playing the game. And if I DARE to have to do anything that crosses the living room (aka his line of sight) I get a BIG sigh followed by the head jerking the other way. Excuse me for existing during game play.
But never to fear. Eventually he loses and throws an Oscar worthy line of curses out while smashing his headset to the ground. It would be cute if he didnt also get so stomp-ey when he does it. More than once Ive had to threaten him with an XBOX time out, just like I do Devon when he gets too frustrated.
Little boys with no patience or attention span grow up to be big boys who never change :)
(Good thing despite all of this hes still a good man)
That all changed when I INSISTED we needed an XBOX. So we could get a Kinect. Which I then found out I was pregnant about THREE minutes after we spent the 400 bucks on, so it just sat there like a living room ornament. Until ...
Allen says one day ... "Oh, they have Call of Duty: Black Ops. I hear that its fun. I should get it. Then I play with XBOX".
And I think "Thats a CAPITAL idea. Then I can read/facebook/generally be in peace while you amuse yourself. Im on board!".
Fast forward to my home today, which has constant stream of the SAME MUSIC THREAD every 15 seconds (I dream about this music). It also has my husband negotiating with terrorists (AKA 7 year olds hopped up on Mountain Dew and Wifi Connection) about the best battle strategies. Also, every once in awhile hell tell some kid to "turn his mic off because hes going to tell the people where they are doing stuff" (something like that). And I look at my once level headed husband and think ... what the fuck?
COD has 2 settings. One is a Russian dude who always says "We lost the lead" and "Spyplane incoming". These seem to be the only English phrases he knows ... oh, and "Care package inbound" (which ... what kind of care package? The ones I used to send with milk duds and dirty mags? Because that would be cool ....). The other setting is Ice Cube. I dont know what he says because every time he comes on all I can think is "Hey, thats Ice Cube ....".
Of course, Allen is completely incommunicado while
But never to fear. Eventually he loses and throws an Oscar worthy line of curses out while smashing his headset to the ground. It would be cute if he didnt also get so stomp-ey when he does it. More than once Ive had to threaten him with an XBOX time out, just like I do Devon when he gets too frustrated.
Little boys with no patience or attention span grow up to be big boys who never change :)
(Good thing despite all of this hes still a good man)
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