I have this problem. Its called I cant sit still, with a dash of Im jealous when I think other people live fabulous lives and mine is really boring.
Lets put this in perspective. A year ago I was working long hours at a job that was challenging mentally and rewarding socially. I had cemented a few groups of great friends and we did all the fabulous things I am now jealous of people doing. I felt fulfilled in my head (and the ADD monster was satisfied) so in turn I would describe myself as happy.
Now that the newness of the baby has worn off a little and we are into day to day routines, Im feeling a bit of the anti-climatic letdown. I have to think its normal (even if people dont like to talk about it because it makes them look bad - cue me not caring, its HONEST) since the last 10 months were full of baby anticipation, and the new baby rush of love.
Dont get me wrong - I love my boys. All of them. So much so that Id love to do it again. But there is a part of me that sees the freedom that others have and I get a bit envious. I miss going for drinks. Hell, I miss getting out of the house at all. I can still do it but it takes such a monumental effort that most of the time Id just rather stay home. I miss using my brain (although 7th grade social studies DOES in fact present a challenge). I miss dressing up, or going somewhere awesome, or generally having things to look forward to. Now, even when I plan things to do I have this fear behind them - Will the baby cooperate? Can daddy handle things that long? Where will I pump if Im out all day (because you cant go all day without it)? Will I be able to hold a conversation while struggling not to fall asleep?
Its not that I would take it back - I wouldnt. Its just that Im presenting myself with another challenge. Weve hit the 7 week mark, were in a routine, and its time for me to stop sitting around feeling like “normal” is out of my reach and instead do something about it. Daddy can handle the baby (even if he feels like he cant). John wont DIE if left with grandma for the night. Hell, he wont die if he has some formula either - its not going to kill him or take him off the boob for the rest of his life. I need to stop trolling Facebook to see how fabulous other people are living and go for a run, or read a book, or generally do something to make myself feel better.
Plenty of people have babies. Im not the only one. Even if it means taking a few college courses, or finding out how to get John in daycare for 3 hours a week at the gym, or attending meetups to make a new friend. I can and WILL figure out the new normal. Weve lived here for almost 7 months now and I have to let go of the life I USED to have and start figuring out the life Im GOING to have.
So someone hold me to that.