If I had to do it over again:

I wouldnt tell anyone my due date.

Im here in hormonal tears because I feel like Im letting EVERYONE down right now. I want this baby to come when hes ready - but I feel like its not happening soon enough.

I dont want to complain about the calls/texts/emails because they are from people who are excited and who want to meet our son. There is nothing wrong with that. But there are a select few who call EVERY SINGLE DAY, sometimes twice, to ask the same question “are you in labor”? Doesnt matter how many times I say I SWEAR I WILL CALL YOU WHEN IT HAPPENS. It doesnt matter when I say PLEASE DONT CALL ME EVERY DAY THIS IS HARD ENOUGH. They dont listen. And its always family so you cant decide to unfriend them and call it a day.

Im generally pretty peaceful about things, with a touch of anxiety mixed in. Im okay with letting little man stay in there for another few weeks because A) A normal pregnancy can go anywhere from 38-42 weeks. There is no reason to induce before that time frame unless MEDICALLY necessary and B) Induction terrifies me. Just look at the statistics for induction before your body is ready - its not good and it leads to too many C-sections. Not to mention babies who come out before “their time” have a higher risk of problems. So, I dont judge anyone who gets induced because there are a ton of reasons to do it (and believe me, sometimes I just want to go to L&D and tell them to get this fucking kid out of me) but I am holding on until the last second trying to go with what weve wanted to do all along - a natural birth when the baby is ready to be born.

My anxiety comes because I cant use the BC after 42 weeks - they assume that Ill need extra monitoring and the possibility of a big baby is greater. I guess I dont mind being at the hospital as long as I can figure out how to make sure they respect our wishes about the things we dont want done. If I have to get a c section Ill just cry. Its my worst fear. That and Pitocin. I dont want that either.

So as we round out to the 40 week mark I will spend the next 2 weeks praying that John decides hed like to join us. Also Ill be shutting off my phone. My hormones are too high for this.