Tuesday, December 14, 2010

WLC Limbo

Im bored with the photo of the day thing. Its like ... heres another picture! Bet you didnt see that coming!

Im up at this unGodly hour for two reasons:

1) Its WLC time in my house. Everyone is all "thank God he comes home at night!", but I honestly dont feel that way. I suppose as a military spouse I should be grateful for every time we sleep next to one another ...  but shit, Ill say it, this is hard.

No matter how long you are apart, someone will always say "When *WE* did WLC we had to be apart for 45 days, no phone (uphill .... in the snow ..... forEVER .... yes. I get it. You are tough.). And I'm not trying to say "We have it worst". Im just saying, this is hard. He comes home at night, exhausted after 14 hours, eats his food like a zombie, and heads to bed. Its just enough time for me to plan my entire day around it, but not enough time to feel like we are getting ANY sort of married communication whatsoever.

And, I know separation. Weve done 13 months of deployment, endless month long trainings, and plenty of Army emergency long hours. But when I know hes not coming home it seems to be easier. I miss him, and I want him here, but I go about my day. I work, I hit the gym, I grab a frozen dinner and crappy TV. I hope for a phone call. I make plans with my girlfriends, get a new book, whatever the mood may call for. Im absolutely cut out for this life in the fact that I am strong, independent, and I dont have to have him around. The separations arent what bother me - I knew what I signed up for when I married him, and (although sometimes I reserve the right to want to punch the army in the face) its always worth it in the end.

When he started this course I laughed. I was like "Whatever. He comes home every day. Thats not hard, We did deployment. AT LEAST HE COMES HOME AT NIGHT". Now Im kicking myself for saying that because I really had no idea how difficult it becomes to co-exist in a house while getting no form or fashion of quality time whatsoever. Heck, I dont even know what quality time means ... but I assume its not sitting in silence because hes too tired to talk, or watching TV in bed (which we NEVER do. We dont even have cable in the bedroom because thats our place to be with each other) while your husband sleeps. I cant even pinpoint what about this makes it so hard on your marriage - I just know its strained. It feels a little like all the classic signs of cheating ... even though you know who the mistress is (the Army ... and that bitch gets her way every single time).

Dont get me wrong - my husband is pretty fly. He spoils me rotten and is genuinely my best friend. We dont have a child here, so when hes home its just me, him, and two dumb dogs. Im used to 100% of his attention, affection and love (sometimes to the point of telling him to sit down and stop bugging me).

All complaints aside, at least this is over in a few days. My heart honestly goes out to my friends in the civilian world, who have to work two jobs or overlapping schedules. This is difficult - sometimes so much is focused on our sacrifice during deployments that you can forget that struggle comes in all shapes and sizes.

And (bonus) we vacation soon .... that will be the perfect reward for wanting to kick each others asses for a month straight :)

2) I forgot what two is now. But I had one.

1 comment:

  1. I've had this post up in my browser FOREVER and meant to come comment on it.

    Seriously, it all sucks, doesn't it? I mean them being deployed sucks, them being away in the field sucks, them coming home but only at some ungodly hour sucks. And just because it sucks for someone else worse that doesn't mean you don't have the right to complain and vent a little.

    I miss my soldier...whether he's gone for a day, a week, or a year...whether he's just a few minutes, hours, or a thousand miles away.

    I have a weekly linky carnival over at ArmyWivesLives.com and I hope you'll stop by to add your perspective!