Finally - a birth story!

First let me start off by saying that (although its only been just over 24 hours so the crazy is probably on its way) I feel like a new person right now. My placenta was apparently sent from an evil place and now that its gone Im back to feeling more human.

On Thursday September 22 I got up around 430 when Allen was getting ready to leave for work. I had been having the on and off contractions, just enough to really be aggravating without anything actually happening. I used the restroom, got a drink and went to lie back down in bed.

Right before I fell back asleep I felt a thud “down there” and heard something pop. My actual response was to say (out loud) “what the fuck was that?”. I knew from being on the birth month boards that it was likely my water breaking but I didnt feel the gush of fluid that should accompany it. So I went to the restroom to check it out. There was a trickle of water but nothing that would suggest the big blow out I heard your water is supposed to be.

I paced around a little bit and checked my bottoms - there was more water in there but again, not anything that would suggest I had just broken an entire bag. I used the restroom and some water and blood came out so I decided that it was likely go time.

I called my midwife first and explained it to her. She told me to put in a pad and wait an hour to be sure that it was the real thing - mostly because my contractions were so light I could barely feel them and they werent timeable. Still I decided to call Allen since we were on a clock if it was my water anyhow. All the guys in his office have been waiting for the call for awhile now so they got him out of there with a quickness.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and just as I was thinking maybe Im a total asshole and I just pissed myself about a quart of water expelled itself from my nether regions (thankfully onto a towel I had been sitting on). Thats when I said “holy shit were having a baby” .... something youd think I would have had 10 months to come to terms with yes? But, Im a slow learner.

So I call back my MW and she tells me to take my time (since contrax arent strong) and come in soonish. She also said that I was number 4 in the last 24 hours so when I arrived at the birth center wed have to play some juggling games since every room was full (our luck!).

We got all our stuff together, Allen made me breakfast and packed up the car while I showered. I also leaked fluid everywhere I went - apparently its not just water breaking and then it stops. What really happens is that you trail it everywhere you go and you want to cry because everytime you get the slightest contraction you put fluid everywhere. We drove to the birth center and as I tried to get out of the car to the door I literally lost it everywhere - stood on the sidewalk with water pouring down my legs onto the sidewalk. Im sure I was a happy sight.

We got settled into a room after we confirmed water had broke (obviously). Baby looked great on the monitors but contractions were pretty much non existent. She went ahead and did one internal (they wanted to do as few as possible since my water had broke) and suprise! I was between 4 and 5 cm - without really ever feeling it (which would come back to bite me in the ass).

As the day went on baby sounded great but contractions just wouldnt pick up. We walked for an hour, I rested, we ate. Nothing was picking up and I started to get worried - I knew we were on another clock to get the baby out before the membranes were ruptured too long (usually about 24 hours).

At around 3 pm when still nothing was happening  my midwife decided to start some natural induction methods. This consisted of a castor oil/enema/RRL tea routine - two times over the course of two hours. It was pretty much as shitty (literally) as it sounds, and so uncomfortable. But it sure worked and by 6 pm I was starting to pick up in contractions considerably.

The entire pregnancy Ive complained of hip pain but it took me by surprise when I felt ALL the contractions in my hips. They tried to rub out the muscle spasms but they were so intense there was no helping it. Thankfully one of the birthing rooms cleared out just as it started to get really bad and we were able to get in to use the shower on my back which helped a bit.

About 7 - 7:30 is when I hit transition. It was just as terrible as anyone could ever explain it to be. I was able to get into the tub and it slightly helped but the contractions were coming so strong and so close together that I hit my wall (or my “Ricki Lake” moment as they say). It was so intense that she decided to check me to see how I had progressed and I was only at a 7 :( I didnt even have time to get upset because the wall of contractions felt like they would never end. This is the part where I was a less than ideal natural birth patient. I was screaming, telling them all I couldnt do it, and crying that I just wanted to rest. The whole thing is a bit fuzzy but I remember looking at Allen’s eyes and just saying “Im so tired - please let me rest. Make it go away to just rest for a minute”.

Allen rose to the occasion and then some. He did whatever I needed and I could genuinely see that if he could take it away from me he would. A few times he prayed out loud to ask God to give him whatever I couldnt handle, and that this pass soon. He was just awesome - better than I could have ever asked for or expected. I have a new love for him as a person and as my husband.

About 10-1030 I hit my wall. I was so tired (had been up since 530) and I just wanted a break. My MW had something to relax me (um - nothing illegal ...) and she assured me that it was safe, natural and would not go to my baby. They didnt take the pain away (and I remember her saying she cant take the pain away because thats whats bringing my baby to me) but they did help me catch a second of sleep between contractions which I needed for the next part.

It wasnt long after that I remember screaming it was time to push. Sure enough my MW ran in and said to “go ahead - all you needed was the rest!”. Unfortunately my body and I just werent working together. I tried to push a few times and I just wasnt working with myself to figure out HOW to do it. I was screaming that I couldnt, I was too tired. My MW really took control and told me that it was fine, I didnt have to, and theyd be back when I could (she just went outside the door). Apparently she told Allen “stop telling her what to do - if youve ever seen a runner hit a wall, thats what this is. She has to pick herself up and find what it takes or else this isnt going to go the way she wants”. And she was right.

I flipped to my side and gave it all I had with the next contraction - and thats when I know it was coming. I felt the “ring of fire” (man did I ever) but my MW told me that I had to slow down and push deliberately because we had a big head - if I were to just bear down and shoot him out then we would have a horrible tear on our hands.

I have no idea where I summoned the energy, but I pushed slow just like she said. I only pushed for ten minutes and the baby was out! He was big and healthy - he didnt scream but he also wasnt totally quiet.

The rest is sort of a blur - we waited for the cord to stop pulsing so I had him on my stomach for a bit. We were able to see him and talk to him and get him to latch a bit (which I swear by --- the kid now has an awesome latch). Once the cord had been cut the MW and Allen took him to the weigh room while the nurse helped me to the bathroom. As I was on the toilet they came back in. Allen said “GUESS HOW MUCH?”. I said “7.14?”.

“Higher”

“8.4?”

“HIGHER!”

I told him to just damn tell me. Our “little baby” was 9 pounds 1 ounce!!!

After that it was about 1 am and we both just wanted to sleep. I took the baby on my chest, the MW’s went to rest in their office rooms and we got some rest. John woke up quite a few times but the MW’s were there every time to help me get him latched on and to make sure his vitals looked good.

We woke up about 6 am and Allen got breakfast for the whole crew. We ate, did baby’s physical and mine and then we got to go home!

Our first night was great - daddy is on duty for food and everything else. John didnt sleep much but hes such a good baby that it doesnt matter much. He gets up, he latches and goes back to sleep. Im still on “bedrest” and really sore but loving every second of the entire thing.

So there it is - there was a lot more disgusting shit in the middle of it but I tried to be as PC as I know how to be (which is a challenge as we all know). Its football Saturday, John is going to wear his Gator gear and mommy is going to have a damn beer (its good for milk production you know!).