Facebook keeps asking me to “update my work information”.
First, fuck you Facebook, its none of your business. Second, I saw the Social Network (well, part of it. Before I fell asleep. It all got pretty lame once Justin Timberlake was a Napster CEO or something) and Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole. Third ... I have no idea what to say.
Now, let me preface this by saying that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A STAY AT HOME WIFE OR MOTHER. There is always some damn asshole who is insecure with their own choices who wants to read the words that I write and relay them to THEM. I dont write for judgement .... I ONLY write what *I* know, and what *IM* going through. If that were to coincide with one of your inner struggles, Im immensely sorry .... but its not about anyone but me (Hello ... Im a narcissist remember??). Im not always the best at getting across what Id like to say, so I want to make sure there is no confusion.
There is nothing wrong with staying at home, and moreover, thats what I do right this second. But - there is a transition time. Im sure anyone who was or currently is staying at home can remember the way it felt to go from a job, or school, what have you, to spending full time on your house and family.
Im finally starting to feel the transition crunch, now that life is leveling out a bit. Its not that there arent plenty of things to do ... cleaning needs to be done, pictures to be hung, there are sill boxes everywhere. But I have this mindset (that Ive had for years now) of my “off” days being the only time I have to rest and re-cooperate. I’ve never been housekeeper of the year - and I know Ill get my ass kicked by some of my wonderful friends that love nothing more than the smell of bleach, but I hate cleaning. Seriously. Hate. So I put it off as long as possible, because Im still used to rewarding myself with “me” time for all my hard work during the week. But ..... thats not exactly applicable anymore.
I do enjoy being at home. I enjoy that my day is my own (at least until Devon gets here, and then John) to read, sit in the sun, get the house together. I like that I can meet girlfriends for lunch, and that our weekends arent full of all the crap we didnt get to do during the weekday. Its nice to feel rested, and to never want to scream in frustration as the zillionth person wants something from me.
I love that, for the first time, I feel like I can actually take care of my home. Of my husband. That I can help him relax because he doesnt have to go to work and then help me fix the 100 things that I didnt have time for during the week.
My main problem is that I defined myself by my school, and then my job for a long time. When you work for a living (working defined as out in the world, having a boss, ect) there is a certain amount of accomplishment that you feel when you finish a project, or really use your head and fix a problem. Also ... you get to go home from work. There is no break from the current job I have now.
My definition of work is sort of loosely in pieces, and I have to figure out how to put those pieces together in my new life.
I will say that Im not SAD about where life has taken me. Sometimes I pay my student loans with a BIG SIGH because thats a lot of money that Im not making. However, I also dont feel the need to shop compulsively after a particularly crap day at work. Its also pretty rewarding to have an actual conversation with the man you married without work scattered on the table, or a headache from all the noise you heard throughout the day.
So, Im working it. Like I said, there is NO SHAME in staying at home. Someone has got to run this damn family, and for too long we were on autopilot, giving the best of our gifts to the world instead of our home. I honestly think this is one of the most rewarding things that you can do - give up what use to be your dreams and goals to ensure that your family is getting the best of you.
There is also NO SHAME in being a working parent (which I plan to do as well, when the time is right). Im only accentuating the things that I see inside myself, the struggles and the joys that I face. No judgements here.
So over the next few months, I will work on redefining what makes me, ME. I need to find out who *I* (and no one else) is as a SAH wife and mother. I need to figure out how I can best use the gifts God gave me to not only better my family, but leave my corner of the world a better place. It could mean my social skills (getting other moms like me out of the house and into friendships!). It could mean that I focus on something charitable, or devote my time to a church family once we find one. I know for sure that itll mean both my sons and my husband will know that they are loved, honored and cherished.
Ive never pegged myself for a Susie Homemaker - so I have to figure out how to be Susie’s badass black sheeped sister in law, who serves Vodka in the tea and who throws a Passion Party instead of a Tupperware one. There is a way to do this, and a way to do it well ... I just have to figure out what that means for who I am - and for who I want to be.
So thats my answer Facebook. I am Founder and CEO of the doing whatever I do in the most bad ass way possible company.
PS - I give props to all the fantastic women I know. The ones who worked up until the day their kids were born and went right back to work, the ones who rock this stay at home gig and kick ass at it, the ones who do school work and are hot as hell, and make everyone wonder how they have it all figured out. If Ive learned nothing else the past month its that NO ONE has the right answers. The right answer is whats best for YOU and for YOUR family. And anyone who doesnt get that can kiss ass.