Monday, May 30, 2011

Thing One or Thing Two?

Lately Ive been hit with the “how many babies are you going to pop out” debate.

You’d think I could get this one out before we start thinking about the possible conception of the hypothetical next ..... but youd be wrong.

(As always, let me preface this by saying that the number of children a couple has, what age they have them, and how far apart they have them is a personal and private decision that should be made by you and your partner. I have no interest in the who, what or where of anyone else - but sometimes I do need to write about whats good for my personal situation)

If I had more time Id go into a lot of the research Ive done (Ive mentioned that I have time, no?). I have a google PHD in all things sibling and only child related.

We have a unique situation on our hands .... John wont be an only child, as hell have a big brother. However, he also wont have a sibling close in age - and, we have the challenge of keeping both boys on the same level and not treating either of them any differently. Devon is with us half the time (and Im praying we stay here at least through high school so it can be slightly more than half), but a 12 (very close to 13) year age gap is certainly going to prevent a very close brother relationship.

So then we have our time crunch - if we want to do it again, we best get started trying IMMEDIATELY after John is born. It took us 4 years to have this little bean, and there was no indication of anything that had changed (as we LITERALLY got the tests done a matter of months before conception) besides a few lifestyle changes that may have contributed to such. Therefore, Im not sure wether to be optimistic that we could do it again if we wanted, or to be unsure that it wouldnt be another 4 years ..... which ... no. Everyone is different, but I dont want to be having babies much past 30. Most of that is because when you start as young as I did, I cant see having the kids THAT staggered. If were going to do it, its got to be 2 under 2, get through a few bumps in the road, and then well hit our stride.

Most of me (Id say 85%) thinks that two is just perfect. We had given up on having even one more, so now that were doing it, I dont see much need to try to do it again. It seems that most people believe we should keep going now that weve started ---- but I just cant figure out if Im capable of having another.

I know that things might change when John is here, so I dont want to shut any doors as of yet. Allen and I have agreed that having another isnt what road were on right now, BUT that we wont make any real decisions until John is 18 months (which is supposedly the ideal time to conceive another one). If at that time weve decided against it, then well make some permanent arrangements for birth control.

For me personally, I want to go back to work, after giving John a solid 6 months to a year (job searching around here for a quality job is expected to take a year) of me staying at home. I want to be able to keep our activities, including date nights without kiddos, and the ability to go places and do things. I know this is completely do-able with two, especially now that we are close to family ..... but, is it practical? I honestly dont know, so thats why Im looking to anyone who may have an expert opinion.

Remember, we are going to have 2 children, so this isnt an “anti baby” posting, or a judgement on anyone who has 3, 4 or even 8 kids. Everyone is different. Its just a decision that will eventually have to be made ..... and I like to weigh all the possible options before I make a choice about the rest of my life :)

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